Perspective.

I love how when you give God a little, He gives you a lot in return.

This summer I have been trying to give more of my time to God. For me this has entailed doing a summer Cornerstone Bible Study on the attributes of God, trying to break down my idols and things that I put before the Lord, eliminating mindless activity (i.e. excessive facebook usage and movie-watching), and really seeking after the heart of my Savior. Not all have been successes by any means, but as always God reveals Himself and His mercy to me in whatever circumstance I find myself in, and always gives me more than what I gave Him.

More than anything I want to understand. I want to understand why Jesus had to go through what he did on the cross for my sins. I want to see it and be there and try to wrap my mind around it. I know that if I really understood it and believed it and clung to the truth of it, my life would look radically different. Although I believe it wholeheartedly, I really can't understand God's sacrifice for me to it's fullest extent, which can be frustrating. However, lately my inability to comprehend has been a comfort to me.

As I study and meditate on the attributes of God in an effort to know my Savior and Creator more, what I find is that I will never fully understand Him. But why would I want to? Yes, I want to know Him more and fall more in love with Him each day, but I have been feeling lately that I have been given the incredible opportunity to be a part of something much greater and more complex than what I am. Living solely for God and remembering why He created me has transformed my perspective to look more like it should, which is a lot less focused on myself.

I tend to put limits on God. I have mastered the technique of incorporating God into my life rather than leaving everything up to Him to guide me, while in the meantime trying to persuade myself and others that I have rendered to God complete control.

I am reading a Francis Chan book called Forgotten God. In it he says this:

"If you decide you want to do His will, there will be moments where you have to let go of the fear- when you have to release your grip of control on your life and decide to be led, come what may."

After reading that, I got it. I have to desire to do God's will no matter where it takes me. And sure, ask me that question now and I'll say a hundred times that I am willing to do whatever the Lord has in store for me. But am I really? What if He allows something really bad to happen to me...like what happened to Job? I am accustomed to God's blessings so much that I think they've become expected. I know in my heart that the Lord's will is perfect, and whatever He has in store for my life will be the best thing for me, but I am now coming to the point where I desperately need to release the little bit of control on my life that I have been withholding from God and really let Him totally transform my heart.

A song by Hillsong called Second Chance has a line that says "On you I throw my life, casting all my fears aside, how could greater love than this ever possibly exist?"

Right now I am learning that Christ is better and more beautiful than anything bad or uncomfortable that could ever happen to me. No greater love than His will ever exist, and He gave that love to me knowing my faults and shortcomings. It is really ridiculous that I am trying to maintain any kind of grip on my life rather than giving it all to the Almighty God. So, that is what I am doing- "throwing my life" on the One who gave it all for me and will never let me down. Easier said than done, but I am ok with admitting that I don't have it all figured out. For a change, I will say that I don't know it all. For a change, I will 100% try to live by the Spirit instead of referring to Him if I feel like I can't figure it out myself.

I have found a lot of comfort in Ephesians 1 because it talks a lot about God choosing us to represent Him and giving us His mercy because of His great love for us. I desperately want to live by those truths every minute of every day and be transformed by them even more than ever.

For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.
Ephesians 1:4-6